Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Sorry, what was your name again?????

Once upon a time in this Malay Archipelago, policemen were responsible to register a baby's name in the Birth Certificate. Dalam erti kata lain pendaftaran anak-anak adalah bersandarkan kepada 'kecerdikan' encik polis yang bertugas ketika itu dan juga darjah kepekaan pendengaranya. Sekiranya nasib tidak menyebelahi, maka anak yang malang itu akan menanggung nama yang gila tak best sepanjang hayat.

I met and happened to know a few people who have been affected by that catastrophic incident.

A friend of my aunt, a teacher. A very good looking, tall , slender lady named BERKEH. Her name was supposed to be BALQIS.

  • My mom's neighbour, a petite sweet and pretty lady who has been named RODOH. According to her, her mom all this while had happily thought that she has named her RODHIAH.
  • And out of trillions of name there is this whole wide world, a boy on his first day of school where my mom taught, found out that he was TIDAK BERNAMA. According to her grandmother, during the registration the boy's father was in the jungle. No he was not a Tarzan, he was a soldier. So one relative went to register his name. But because that Bendol met another Bongok Policeman, they did a stupid mistake which caused a mess in that boy's life. Later on, the boy's parents divorced and he was taken care by his grandmother who was illiterate.

Nevertheless, there are names which were quite extra ordinary and given happily by the proud parents without the fault of Mr Policeman.

  • A good friend to my dad is named MENTERI by his probably visioned and optimistic father. Luckily he retired as an honourable school principal. Maybe something went wrong somewhere that he did not end up in the parliament but I think its a blessing in disguise. If only he became a minister, what would the press referred him to??? Even worst, what if he became a Menteri Besar of some state. So it was good that he remains Cikgu Menteri or Haji Menteri. However, once he went for a Convention in Medan Indonesia and my dad was also one of the participant. He received a first class treatment, why of course, he is Pak Menteri ok.

  • My paternal grandparents must have been out of idea when they were to name their 13th daughter, so they named her Che Puan.She became a Cikgu Che Puan sometimes later and when she got married, her students called her Pn Che Puan, on purpose.
  • I met a very cute girl in college and her name was KLORIDA, and of course lah it would be satu perbuatan yang tidak bermoral for me to ask whether her mom really wanted to name her like that or that she was given a name which was related to some incident in her mom's life. So I thought her dad must be a chemist or a pharmacist.

  • And sometimes, there are person who's name really meant to be for him/her. I knew a boy named WAI SOH LONG and yesss people, he was soooo tall allright. But long? Err what am I referring to here?

  • A guy in Kanda's office was named PANDUNATHAN and I am very sure that his parents did not have the slightest idea that he would become a driver when he grew up. But he is now a PEMANDU to the big boss.

  • A friend once told me that his Master (during his pupillage period) was PUN KOK PINK but tidaklah aku tahu whether that name suited him ke tidak hu hu hu.

I came across a true story in Readers Digest about an American who was impressed to find out that a chinese man who owned a restaurant where he regularly went has a pure German name (it was Olaf something) and that man speaks very little English and looks nothing like he has a mix parentage. So he asked the man's son. What actually happened was that upon registering for his green card , he was asked his name and he said Sam Ting. Unfortunately for him , the man in front of him was a German named Olaf XXXX.

Thinking and writing about all this, I had a good laugh....

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Sin Chan in d house

My Pink Dive Princess is i noticed having a little problem with her Malay vocabulary. No she did not come from a mix parentage. As far as I am concern, I am Malay through and through and my ancestors came from Pattani and Yala of Southern Thai.Many are still there. So is Kanda, he is also a pure Kedahan Malay (well I dont know if he has some relations living in Cocos Island or Madagascar ha ha ha).

It must be the environment of her upbringing I think. She is in her last year in her Kindy where she speaks English and Mandarin. She speaks Indonesian (seriously) to my Maid (as she said Bibik would not understand us in Malay perfectly so she has the habit of translating what we said to Bibik in her own so called Indonesian language) and Manglish to her parents. She spend most of her time in school and with Bibik. At home her friends would be the Tube with Disney Channel all the way and at 5 something, she would accompany her Bibik to watch Indonesian series on Prima which she would refer to as 'Cerita Bibik' until either her mom or dad reaches home. Then only she would be allowed to go to her best friend house next door, Sofea, or she can invite Sofea to come over. They speak Manglish to each other. I always eavesdrop and hence I know that she is having quite a problem conversing in a good Malay. Gila kesian anak aku.

Diva : Sofea, my elbow hurts la

Sofea : What is elbow

Diva : Awak ni, "lutut tangan" la

Later, i found out that lutut tangan is actually her SIKU

One night she came in my room, paled face

Diva : Mommy, kakak nampak TISKU

Me : Menatang apa tisku tu?

Diva : Mommy, rat ok rat. A big one.

One nite, her brother cried downstairs. I asked her what happened to him

Diva : Daddy misplace abang punya 'ANAK KERTAS'

Me : Huh???????

Diva : I dont know la, ask Daddy

Later I found out that she was trying to say "SURAT BERANAK'.

One day she called me in the office

Diva : Mommy, please come home now, u have to send me to school'

Me : Why, what happen to aunty Sara

Diva : Aunty Sawah (trouble in pronouncing 'R' sound ok) punya Mobil rusak"

On another day she told her Daddy,

Diva : Daddy, abang naughty today. Dia main sampai SORE, kumon pun tak siap buat lagi. I have finished mine already

(we get these all the time, infact this will surely the starting point of fire between both of them which will end with a debik from her brother. Dah namanya Joyah kan, kepoh la.

She got bored easily after 2-3 pages of story book in Bahasa but would read her Grimm's Fairy Tales until she could memorized the wording. If I said some numbers in Malay, she would have to count in English with her fingers to find out what number I was referring to.

Well i guess i have to speak like Nik Safiyah Karim or A Samad Said from now onwards and spend more times with her. And probably start a Bahasa Malaysia Week at home. No other language is allowed especially INDONESIAN...Good Lord.

So Bibik, mari kita bertutur dalam Bahasa Malaysia yang sempurna ya.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Indon's Invasion

  • I felt extremely disturbed by the armed robbery involving the Indonesians PATI off late. What are the those big shots in Immigration Department, Internal Security Department (cheh konon ala FBI la tu) and THE PRIME MINISTER DEPARTMENT doing?????? Are they being recruited by the Election Commision to help the incoming by election in those two perbukitan up north? I mean obviously they are not busy replying e-mails to the distress Malaysian subject in that Scandinavian county kat Norway tu kan Lyana? So please tell me why don't they come out with any urgent measure to curb this matter.
  • We heard it almost everyday that armed robbers shot to death. I am worried sick about the safety of every body especially to those close to me. My mom for instance, is always alone at home in the morning. And even if my dad is home, it would just be the two of them and my old man is not some sort of a body builder , yang sekali pukul sepuluh mati punya. Lately, the same story happened in my hometown in the good ol Sg. Petani. Even my aunt's was recently entered by an Indon Bodo (excuse my language). Luckily for her, she was in her telekung and that scared the hell out of that scumbag. But he was caught later on after series of pecah rumah.
  • What is so alarming about these idiots is that they play rough. Not the type that break in and angkut apa yang patut and off they go secara bersopan seperti kebanyakan penyamun Malaysia, walaupun mereka sampai hati angkut barang orang pakai lori ala-ala Kassim Baba. They are the kind that will tie the entire household and inflict injury on them as well. Kurrreng ajar ke tak macam tu?
  • One sad incident happened in a housing area near my office, the one yang that gang held the household as hostages tu, yang at last they stabbed the Tuan Rumah yang perempuan tu, and later on polis tembak plak dia orang tu la. Those fellas broke in the houses in Shah Alam, and used a shot gun belonged to my friend's father in law. They broke in his house, tied both of her elderly parents in law and even hurt the Mak Cik.
  • Yesterday, police shot a few of them in Johor and a few days before that, same stories.
  • With begitu ramai tenaga kerja rakyat tempatan yang di laid off due to economic downturned , why dont we freeze the Indons ' Workers especially yang lelaki ni from entering our country. Why cant we just specified the foreign workers to domestic helper only , because they are needed in that category termasuklah I sebagai pengguna khidmat pembantu rumah ni kan. Afterall kos kemasukan they all ni is NOT cheap. Why dont we just hire locals, bagi gaji lebih sikit pun tak apa what. It's an irony for foreign investor dok mai melabur kat Mesia due to cheap labour, tengkorak lah. Memang la cheap kalau all the workers pegang Paspot hijau. Baik la terus je melabur kat negara dia tu ha.
  • To those yang pernah pegi Klang wajib bersetuju yang kita akan merasa seperti berada di Bandung kat pekan Klang tu, and further up , celah-celah Mydin, toleh depan rasa seperti di Dhaka (I know exactly how Dhaka look likes ok, this is not a prejudicial statement), toleh kiri macam kat Kathmandu plak. Pendek kata, kita boleh pergi melancong ke Negara-negara Asia tenggara dalam masa 30 minit sahaja jika kita pergi ke Klang dan I sangat susah hati dengan keadaan begini, dan I bertambah stress sebab Aunty Mili my tailor nak juga bukak kedai kat MPK yang mana I kena pegi Bandung, Myanmar, Indochina dan Chitaggong dulu hanya untuk buat sepasang baju kurung menjelang raya atau kenduri sedara.Penat ok.
  • Percaya atau tidak suatu hari nanti Malaysia akan mengalami satu Krisis Identiti yang serius disebabkan pendatang asing ni. Tak ke kalau Klang, Kotaraya dan Chow Kit Road dah jadi port they all? Especially Indons ni lah. Sebab kalau Mat Bangla, Indochina or Myanmar tu, boleh lagi kita differentiate. Tapi the Indons ni, sometimes sekali pandang kita tak perasan sangat.
  • Fakta yang kita kena telan, memang they all adalah punca kepada banyak masalah sosial di negara kita ni. GRO, tukang urut, pembantu rumah yang mandrem kan tuan rumah they all jugak lah. Satu lagi fenomena tak sihat, maid-maid ni kalau cuti akan berkumpul di rumah agen they all and kat situlah they all ambik peluang bawak bofren balik rumah. Bibiks yang ada suami di Indon akan ada juga bofren di Malaysia untuk menghilangkan rindu pada kampung halaman dan anak-anak yang sederet.
  • Kalau Malaysia restrict foreign workers ni to domestic helpers SAHAJA, banyak social deterioration kita boleh overcome. Those pusat hiburan for instance, lama-lama tutup lah sebab tak ada orang nak kerja walaupun ramai pengunjungnya. (seriyes I geli orang kita yang suka melanggan warga Asing ni, nauzubillah).
  • Satu lagi, motif I bengang gila ngan Indons, sebab I bengang ngan Bibik I la ....wuah hu hu hu. I tertekan tau.

Monday, February 9, 2009


  • One of our pre nuptial agreement (gila diva kan aku ada pre-nup) was that Kanda MUST take me for a vacation once a year, just the two of us, regardless of our (well...his actually ) financial condition (as in kalau senak kite gi dekat2 je, kalau terkucil pun kite gi PD je pun takpe, I am not a demanding wife afterall (statement propa ok)) As long as it got to be just the two of us.Although we became very productive manufacturer in making children or until we both need wheelchair to move, we still have to try our level best to spend time together. Take it or leave it (that time ramai jejaka beratur pegang nombor noks, memang la mak demand). Kanda of course la takut dirinya tidak diterima menjadi menantu Bapak I yang gila best tuh, so mestilah dia setuju. Eventhough he might regret it later, do I care?

  • Afterall, its not that hard to take a wife to a vacation rather than I yang sengsara, bersabung nyawa bearing my difficult preganancies and traumatic childbirth kan.. (bunyi macam trying to justify perbuatan dan kemahuan yang sungguh tidak berperi kemanusiaan kah I???)

  • Of course I have my reason. I am a hopeless romantic person, I cried without fail reading Judith McNaught, I cried watching Bersamamu and Kuch Kuch Hota Hei, I cried watching Benjamin Button - the part that he sent a post card to his daughter every year (walaupun dalam cinema, hati I tersentuh pilu ok, nangis la). Pernahkah bapak I walaupun dia best, bagi I postcard...haa tak pernah ok.

  • But God is fair, he sent me a 'log' to become my husband. If not mestilah dunia termuntah darah melihat aksi-aksi romantis kite orang. I always dream of a bouqet of roses and candle lit dinner on our anniversary but of course married to Kanda it remains a dream. To him the biggest mistake in human civilisation is to represent love with flowers especially roses for they are costly but short live.He said I wouldn't want his love for me to be expensive (adakah dia mengomplen pasal duit hantaran I yang tak seberapa itu??) but only bloom for a short while. Since he thought his reason was very cute, I'd decided that its ok that I dont get roses on my birthday but a family dinner instead with a penyanyi otai pakai skirt dangdut on stage reading aloud his birtday wish to me and even sang me happy birthday (yea I got immuned with this already, for him its the most romantic thingy he ever did to me, little that he knew my internal organs were almost exploded with mirth oohhh dear hubby, tu zaman J Mizan je orang buat macam tu kan Kak Naz?) and instead of a romantic dinner in a cekik darah diner and having some weird French cuisine I could not even pronounce, I prefer to have a steamy french kiss in a foreign land with him (sila muntah) where we can enjoy ourselves as two love birds without me having to carry a diaper bag and him pushing a pram. Where we can love again holding hands like young college couple, no worries, foolish and happy. Lying for hours in bed just talking in the truest meaning of the word without yelling or calling each other names (oh yess we do that often e.g I called him monyet he called me bini monyet) and giggles at each other jokes or clumsiness (there is no room for a clown at home, one mistake means WAR ok) , reminiscing our acheivement in making our marriage work despite of our differences. Yea we might fool ourselves for a while , trying hard not to think of our kids at home.But we or rather I really needed to have that feelings flourish every now and then. The feelings of being needed and loved. Well we are stressed out, with works, kids, political scenario (bleh ke?) etc etc, hence the cold shoulders and means words being exchange every alternate days.

Plus my mental fluctuation syndrome , it got worst. I pity Kanda for having to understand my mood swing, I can be nasty, cursing like no body business once I was getting into the shower, but shortly after that I was ok again, as if the tension had never occured while Kanda was still absorbing my rudeness of slamming the bathroom door. Alih-alih, I went like 'Darling malam ni gi makan kat Muara nak??" with the sweetest and sultriest voice (uwekkk) he ever heard. So, we both needed a break. He needed to be calmed and treated like a lover and me like a lady and we need to be OUT OF REACH.....

  • Macam bagusss la intro I tu konon, meloya la plak blogging about luvvve.Actually I just nak cakap je Raya Cina hari tu, I and Kanda went for our delayed vacation to Shanghai. Delayed because it was supposed to be my Anniversary Gift for last year but since last year kite orang mendapat panggilan Illahi to become His guest, that plan was postponed to this year. That means I can get another trip by our actual anniversary (tu I assume sendiri, mungkin akan jadi kenyataan if Kanda berjaya dapat formula cop duit sendiri).

This time I decided to have the travel theme of smart casual (pelik dan menyampah????terima lah kenyataan yang I will have a theme everytime nak pi vacation to help me arrange my travel outfit and Kanda's. (No, he did not agree of course but what choice does he have)

Sooo what do I think of Shanghai? ohhh I love it. I 've been in love with it since my childhood years where it was apart of my time table to watch Chinese movie every 6 pm. Lonely Hunters and Shanghai Conspiracy were among the series which made me fallen for Shanghai. I always think of Shanghai as a classic and romantic city and I was right about it.

We thought it will mark the occasion as we planned to celebrate the year of the ox in China, thus I pun menerima sebuah komen yang sentap oleh seseorang

Seseorang : Kenapa pi China".

I : Sebab Raya Cina

Seseorang : Ohhhh, pasai apa hari ponggal ari tu tak pi India

I : Tunggu la Deepavali sok

Where am I getting ?? Allright. Shanghai have sooo many things to love and an equal share of reasons to hate. So once love and hate collided, we had a wonderful and joyous trip.

Love list

- fashion, fashion and clothes, clothes and more clothes

- shoes and a lot of shoes

- maglev train from airport to central Shanghai move 420km per hour

- a fantastic nite life

-'A' class river cruise along Huang Pu river (just like a love boat)

- fruits everywhere (shop la I mean)

- efficient and well developed subway (we managed to go everywhere via subway, with a big help from our huge city map and my mandarin tags

- U can shop until u are only moved by your motivation although your legs are swollen and failed you

Hate Lists

Language barrier

(to those who support the notion that bangsa-bangsa yang hebat di dunia tak perlu berbahasa Inggeris untuk maju' I say to them 'porracitt' , it was a misery with capital M ok).Luckily I got clever by making some Mandarin tags with the help of Mandarin Dictionary Online and Wikitravel. I made tags of the places of interest in Mandarin and just show it to the cab driver or any passer by, to ask for direction. The list includes toilets la of course.So we survived

Cold breeze.

A slightly cold breeze ala-ala manja is romantic, but Shanghai winter wind is mean, it bites. My leg blistered all over due to the cold as I hate to wear long john bottom underneath. But the bright side of it, I now can confidently apply to be a spokeperson to Olay Total Effect as I can speak based on experience. Gunakanlah Olay Total Effect puan-puan terutama yang dok kat negara bersalji (bleh ke?)


Quite hard to find one unlike Beijing, maybe because we were on our free and easy trip plus the language barrier. Nevertheless we were lucky to have one very near to our hotel, Restaurant Afandi but again language was a huge problem

Day one we manage to have szechuan chicken (I bagi nama sendiri wakakaka, vege dish (seriously the name beats me and I swear I never came across it here, but tasty) and a gigantic bowl of soup I can make a steam face treatment while eating (although we only ordered for two, I assume the Shanghainese ni makan sup, tido sup , berry sup kot) after almost 15 minutes of ordering, its a hard work I tell you.

Day two, we had fish (as big as my son when he was delivered) and broccoli. This time it took almost half an hour to ask for rice. The poor waitresses came in and brought us another set of chopstick instead, and again this time another set of plate, and sugar and another set of fork and spoon. Until at last she got it right. And all of them laughing away and so do we except they were laughing of their siliness while ours was an unsincere laugh of a God Father before he shot some one.

Day three, Kanda was exhausted and starving. Since we were feeding ourselves with mandarin oranges, chickedees and biscuit only after a whole day of strolling and jalan-jalan. When he is starving he become impossible especially since he had enough of Restoran Afandi and wanted to dine at another Muslim Restaurant we accidently discovered in Nanjing Street. But I insisted to have another Afandi's. So I need to do the ordering since I yang gedik nak makan kat situ and since I know a little bit of Cantonese (tak relevan sangat tapi kena layan la takut merajuk, buruk , dah la passport I dia pegang, buat dia tinggal aku kat situ).

So he demanded to have prawn and squid. I did great ordering the prawn since there was a display but squid???? Damn. So I flippied through the picture menu over and over hoping there would be a vivid picture of squid or it look alike while Kanda was nowhere of looking like a very gentleman clientele like he did two days ago, i noticed even that waitress was uneasy. The girl pointed at a picture, showing her thumbs up. I asked what it was and she was quite for a while and say "mmbeeek bekk'' .Long silence.

I innocently looked at Kanda with my head slighty tilted to the right, prying for sympathy ..."But yang, u want squid, how am I supposed to make squid sound?" He looked at me, I was waiting and ready for a canon ball but instead he .....BURST OUT LAUGHING macam orang gila....So I joined in and so was the girl but still timidly and patiently waited for our order. That nite we settled for prawns and mixed soup as I was not going another round of order nasi 30 kali baru dapat nasi betul.And that nite also we enjoyed our honeymoon as the honeymooners should he he he.

To sum up, I enjoyed myself, talking, laughing walking with him everywhere, oh yess and we REALLY walked, it became a walkaton. I think we could have reached Ipoh had we had that amount of walking in Shah Alam. I enjoyed loving him once again and I think he did too.