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Sunday, December 20, 2009

A MOMENT IN TIME...

What is the most terrible gift any one can get for his/her Birthday???

Just a few days before his 59th Birthday, My abah was diagnosed with Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma, a type of cancer in the back division of his nose.




He had suspected this somehow, after several episodes of nose bleed and buzzing sounds in his left ear that has been going on for years.

A biopsy tells all and a CT Scan confirmed it.

The earth collapsed on me, as it I had stopped breathing and had forgotten how to start again upon hearing it coming from the Doctor's lips. CANCER is the most dreaded word of all in my dictionary of ailments.Afterall, the doctor has chosen me between my brothers to spill it. As if I was the strongest one, although the truth is I was Abah most spoiled one. He was everything to me, I even had a notion that he must ,should be immortal. He must not felt terribly sick.He must be there for me always. He must not die.
Although sometimes I did, had put some thoughts of how my parents would one day fell ill, bed ridden, old and weak...I would brush off the images as quickly as I can. I want my Abah to be as happy as jovial as high sprited as loving as I ever, forever.
God, how would I react to see him on a hospital bed , weak and fragile? What would I do to this hero of mine at that time? while all this time, he was beside me when I was sick and stroke my hair and utter his sweet words... Can I do the same to him? His thick black hair would be thinned, his big build body will shrinked and and.........Ya Allah please give him strengh to go on and fight. After all he was always a fighter and he was the one who tought me that, never give up , as sucess is 99% inspritation and 1% perspiration.
There was a very big lump in my chest. I dont know how I did it, but my composure was in control, at times I pictured my self broke down and wailed , cried my self out. My body was shaken so hard upon stepping out from the doctor's room, approching a group of curious faces, my Abah of course, my mom and my two brothers. I fought back my tears and lead them to the Oncologist clinic. And I didnt have to say anything, its understood. When I said Doctor Hussin (ENT specialist) had referred him to an Oncologist, it was understood. And we held each other's hand and walked there, in silent. Dead silent. For the first time in my life I felt that my soul was empty. My head was empty. I refused to have any thoughts as if a single trace of it would hurt me badly.
He is quite head strong , my abah. He followed where ever we took him to, for treatment, but he had made his point, he wants a radiotheraphy and chemotheraphy as told by his doctor despite of our consoling words of trying to induce him in getting an alternative treatment since we are dead scared of the consequences and terrible side effects that would do to our beloved Abah.

He was quiet. And infact he had became more to himself lately, very quiet. I kew he is scared, and yess I am too, all of us do. How I wish I am able to at least take away his fear although what I wanted to do the most is take away his pain.And how I wish that this is all a bad dream.I would soon wake up and smile, thanking God that its was only a bad dream. But everytime, I felt the pain whenever I pinched my arm.
For him, other method or medications are only auxillary. Enough said. Apa nak kata he was from the ol school , when you are sick, you go and see a doctor and that's it. If u die, its your ajal.

Yesterday was the only time he was settled with idea of alternative medicine upon meeting Prof Dr Azimahtol Hawariah, a UKM researcher and a herbalist as she gave a go to conventional theraphy by the doctors and as to help reducing the side effect, she prescribed certain herbs preparation which according to her own years of reserach, would help kill the cancer cell and reduce the cruel effect of radiation, Insyallah.
So, this it is . He had made his decision, he would get his treatment in Universiti Malaya Specialist centre and as a complimentary, he would take healings herbs by Prof Hawariah. Thanks to dearest Kak Wan Shana , we learned that there is another radiation treatment called brachytherapy apart from chemotheraphy and Abah was so happy to know that.
Till then, we are having our fingers crossed and prayed so hard for him as only Allah is our salvation. No matter how superb the treatment that we can get for him, only He has the power to heal.

Happy Birthday my dearest Abah, my hero, my best friend. Really really pray that you have a many many many more happy return of the day.

Subhanallah Allahu Akhbar. Be tough , we will always be beside you and Allah will always look upon you.

23 comments:

azieazah said...

Moga your ABAH diberi kekuatan, dan dipermudahkan segala urusan..

mamasita said...

Desert Rose..
I am so very sorry to hear your Abah tak sihat.
Just try apa2 medical help or traditional way yang boleh, bagi dia loads of encouragement and love, let him buat banyak2 amal ibadah and of course buat selalu baca doa for him to recover as much as possible..InsyaAllah.

Just remember how lucky you all are ada peluang boleh tolong your best to your Abah and balas kasih sayang dia..some people tak mampu and makbapak terabai..Syukur bab tu jugak.
Everybody will go oneday..so just do your best to make him happy.Ikut kemahuan dia sambil ikhtiar berubat.
Take Care.

Kak Ezza@makcik Blogger said...

Adik

Rasa nak peluk jer kamu kuat kuat dan kata kan You kena kuat...Jangan bersedih depan orang yang sakit buat macam biasa jer..sebab abah kamu bukan mau simpati dari kamu but perhatian dari ank anak nya...

Sokong lah dia dengan apa apa cara saja yang termampu...
Dan jangan lupa berdoa pada Allah supaya dia bersabar melalui segala ujian dari Allah...Ujian dari Allah ni tanda nya Allah kasih kan kita...

Kamu dan mak juga kena jaga kesihatan jugak...Take care DR...
Akak pun sama berdoa agar abah dan keluarga kamu pulih dan sihat seperti srdiakala...

azieazah said...

Sori berlori.. terlupa..

Selamat Ulangtahun Kelahiran to your ABAH....

eynda said...

Dah lama tak tengok abah kak eja...semoga kak eja sekeluarga tabah hadapi dugaan & moga abah kak eja cepat sembuh....nanti sampaikan salam eynda kat abah & mama yer...

Hazrey said...

Kami akan doakan agar abah dipermudahkan urusan. Mudah mudahan Allah SWT berikan kekuatan kepada abah dan kamu semua. Salam.

Lyana Mauseth said...

aku doa kat pakteh siang malam...abah aku pun nmpk dok temenung ja lately...

Hazrey said...

Kami akan doakan agar abah dipermudahkan urusan. Mudah mudahan Allah SWT berikan kekuatan kepada abah dan kamu semua. Salam.

Mimi said...

kak..saya doakan semoga abah akak & akak sekeluarga diberi kekuatan utk hari2 yg bakal mendatang..insyaAllah..(sebak la pulak masa aku type ni)

Zendra said...

DR, semoga Abah DR sentiasa didalam peliharaan Allah Taala... Serahkanlah padaNya

julie said...

DR,

So sorry to hear about this sad news. Aku doakan semoga kau dan family tabah menghadapi hari-hari mendatang.

Take care beb!

Naz said...

Salam Sis,
I've been through it. It's going to be tough for all. I pray that your Abah and all of you will have the strength to see this through.
My prayers for him.
*hugs*

Cik Puan Kamil said...

WAAAAAAAA !

Cik Kiah said...

DR,
I don't have the right words to convey my feelings at the moment. Be strong for both your dad and mum. Minta doa banyak2...miracles do happen you know..i for one know this with what happened to my mum earlier this year. Of course tak sama between CA and heart attack but we thought that was it for her. She had 2 massive attacks in one night (btw, 6 out of her 8 sibs died of heart attack), waited for over 3 weeks to have treatment at IJN. There we were told that 95% of her right coronary artery was blocked and it was indeed a miracle that she survived at all. So dear, berserah kepada allah and you'll find peace.

undomesticwifey said...

Kak Rose, be strong! Will doakan yang terbaik for your Abah and your family..

mizzyN said...

sorry to hear about this. take care kak desertrose.

MK said...

i don't really know the right words to share my feeling towards what happen to your beloved abah. but i'm sure i understand your feeling - sbb last december pun my ayah disahkan kompom sakit jantung kena bypass operation.

pls be strong for him. i doakan semoga semuanya selamat & happy selalu. semoga Allah kurniakan yg terbaik for u & family.

*hugs*

Desert Rose said...

Everybody !!!!!

bear hugssss thank very much. Your soothing words really did wonders to me. Conveyed all your good wishes to him and he was so happy about it and is considering his own blog. Thank u again

ladymarko said...

Salam. Sorry to hear this. Moga Allah beri ketabahan to you and family. I have a collection of doa for cancer which I got from a fellow blogger. Pls drop a comment at my blog and give me your email address, I will email the file to you. Don't worry, comments are moderated and I won't publish your email add.

*Hugs*

Sheik said...

sama-sama kita doakan. amin ya baari.

edelweiss said...

Eja,

masa hanghabaq kat aku...aku terduduk. aku kenai dia since i was 7...pi mai pi mai hantaq hang, amik aku depan kem bawak pi ko-ko & lain-2 outings.

nih semua ujian Allah untuk uncle & hangpa semua...tapi setiap ujian allah turunkan untuk mereka yang allah tahu mampu menghadapinya. Insyallah semuanya akan okay.

aku doakan uncle sembuh. He is a gud man..a gud father & friend. Above all, he is a fighter. He'll beat this.

salam untuk semua. stay tough sis.

tireless mom said...

Be strong dear. Be strong for your Abah. Shower him with all the love and happiness. All the postive energy, insha Allah he will heal.

Encik Azrin Yang Garang said...

happy birthday to your abah kak. semoga panjang umur dan bertambah baik kesihatannya.