5 YEARS AGO TODAY.....

5 Years ago ......

Date : 23/11/2003

Time : 9.30 a.m

Location : Dr Tan's Room, STREND HOSPITAL

I was about 20kg heavier, my tummy was so big, no, huge I could'nt see my toes and what I was washing (?????????). My feet was swollen and whenever I walked it felt like my backside which is so damn enourmous was trying hard to catch up with my body. During my first pregnancy, i hated to see myself in the mirror. But this time around I would love to see my face all the time. Orang kata pembawakan anak perempuan gitu...

So, dressed up in the prettiest maternity outfit I had in my wardrobe with tons of make up, namely shocking pink lipstick, pinkish blusher so that I looked naturally blushed with mother's glow and traffic lights eye shadow, (please note that excessively disturbed behaviour was due to hormonal changes, and it was not permanent) we visit ed Dr Tan for my weekly check ups.

Aidilfitri was due in two days. While everybody was busy preparing for raya me and Kanda was stucked inside Dr' Tan's room and that gentleman doctor with my not so gentleman husband were tensed as they had given up in persuading me to agree with elective ceasarian.

I was cut when I gave birth to Aboy d great. So this time they said I could gave a normal vaginal birth a try. Of course I wanted to try and experience how such a living creature venture to life through that magnificent passage between my legs. But Doctor seemed very worried (of my safety as well as his 'contribution$' to the hospital ha ha). According to him I was risking my life and my baby's. Pandai sungguh doktor menggunakan threat untuk menakutkan patient. Upon hearing this, Kanda yang agak-agak setuju dengan keputusan I yang nak buat birth adventure tu terus tak jadi.

After a few episodes of " I think we should listen to the Doctor" and " Its my body, so I decide" the doctor and Kanda angkat bendera putih whilst I generously offered my million dollars smile to both of them. But, not just yet, another episode was about to come. Kena decide when was the Big Day for the delivery as I was very2 heavy and chances of me having a ceasarian was expected, I had the priviledge of choosing a birthdate for my baby. I said, kasi chance I raya dulu lah doc, since kanda belum sempat melaksanakan my wish yang berjela kat whish list tu. Agreed, so 27/11 was set.

From that day onwards, we hunted for all the items I was craving for in the whish list. Foods which would make my mother disowned me if I eat during confinement. So they were cheese cakes, watermelon red and yellow (in case I teringin plak later), secret recipe cheese cake and carrot cake, dadih eh no need. That one can eat during pantang time, ok, sambal tumis sotong, nasi kandar, penang char koey teow. And Kanda obliged lovingly.

Date : 25/11/2003

Location : No. 29 Taman Desa Jaya (rumah mok & aboh la tuh)

Raya tak hengat. Excessive consumption of ketupat and lemang until the term makan is to sopan to describe it but best defined as MELANTAK.Walaupun bukan nya nak sangat makan but need to takut nanti pantang time bercucuran air liur and that could be excused by saying takut kempunan, anak berjejeh air liur (excuse yang puaka).

Date 27/11/2003

Location : Strand Hospital

Time : 8.30 pagi

Pergilah I berjuang untuk melahirkan seorang insan yang didambakan sejak dulu. Teringat lagi when I found out that I was pregnant, I was really hoping that it would be a girl since we had a boy already. We were so tremendously happy, we couldnt stop laughing. And I remembered vividly how helpless we were when that Doctor R****i kat klinik buruk dia tu told us that she couldnt see the foetus inside the karung. And cold heartedly she went on telling it was too bad if in two weeks time the foetus was still not formed then it would be considered as misabortion. Luckily Kanda tidak percaya dengan kata-kata doktor itu yang menurutnya macam mak cik jual goreng pisang kat simpang rumah mak je, and her ultrasound machine looked so ancient. So Kanda brought me to Dr Fairuz of DEMC. Alhamdullillah, our little one was visible on her state of the art machinery unlike that Doc yang hampeh tu punya. Heartbeat and all, she was alive and kicking allright. (NOTE TO MYSELF : Better send a raya card to the Doc telling her to kiss her historical ultra sound gadget good bye, with the note "Dear Doc, Mesia dah ada angkasawan dah pun, u tak rasa ke nak buang monitor u yang antik tu buat tukun supaya kita tak perlu impot ikan dari Thailand, depa pun dok ada rusuhan la ni kan")

Anyway, after sessi cukur mencukur selesai, I was induced. And there I was, all set, waiting for the contraction. First Contraction came in at approximately 4pm. So I went jalan-jalan to stimulate it. We went to visit my Atuk kat wad at the other wing, (cucu cicit masuk spital ni isy isy). Baru sampai kat muka pintu, TERnampak Atuk sedang bermesra mesraan ngan his new waded wife ewwwww. Tidak mahu mengganggu mereka, we ols pun buat u-turn la to the nursery. Meninjau-ninjau anak orang since anak sendiri belum puas bercamping kat dalam perut maknye.

Tunggu punya tunggu, belum lagi sampai masa. Check dah 2 kali, kena jolok to check the dilation. Alamak Tuan, sakit ya amat. But still 2cm je....aku ingat macam dah barai dah. The pain came and went. At every contraction I would scream to Kanda "Talk to me"....and we talked. About everything and anything that could deviate my mind from the pain. Mostly on how anxious we were to see her, about piles of pretty pink gowns of all sizes we had bought for her, the baby coat, the stroller everything.

I went into the labour room at about 6.30pm. Good Lord the pain was so unbearable. Unfortunately, I was only 3cm dilated until 9pm. Dr Tan came in twice before and said he needed to go back for a while to shower and had his dinner. I was insane with pain that I told him, Doc please get my husband to tapau for you, just dont leave me here. At that point of time I dont mind not having Kanda beside me as long as the Doctor was there.He laughed. How dare. Men!! Kanda dah pucat lesi, (as usual lah).

At 10pm the contraction was sooo great for me to bear. To make matter worst, my baby's heartbeat reading couldn't be traced everytime I felt the pain. The midvives were worried and they called Dr Tan. He explained that the baby was struggling herself out from the birth canal but I was not fully dilated. Both of our life is at stake. I need to be operated. So he came to me and Kanda and said to me " So girl, enuff try ya. So have been working hard enuff. Just relax and let's do it. Dont feel bad coz u've tried"

I went " Ya ya whatever, get her out of me. Doc, I want him with me , pointing to Kanda. Kanda was , mmmmmmm " Yang, dont u think mama will do a better job than me, I kan takut darah?????" Oh ya he wasn't allowed in the OT last time.Tak guna pun coz I was on General Anesthetic.

Me " In that case why dont u ask my father, my atuk, nenek baru and the whole kanmpung masuk sekali???" I stormed. Dah tau aku ni sakit nak bersalin angkara dia lagi mau buat alasan.

I insisted, Kanda got no choice. Lagipun I opted for spinal block and I was gonna be conscious all the way thru.

10.15pm I was brought to the OT. I was greeted by the Anesthesiologist (mati la tak taw eja), " Tulah, kalau pagi tadi dah decide nak buat, by this time dah selesai dah boleh pi jogging dah " Amboi, mengundang amarah nampak Tn Dokter sorang ni.

Jarum dia ya rabbi, gajah pun malu tengok, besar gilaks. I was thinking, ni tak payah bius aku boleh pengsan sendiri tengok jarum tu. "Mak aihh dont tell me u guys want to poke me with that" Depa bantai gelak. Siuttt.

They need to pull the Mak Gajah yang dah helpless tak boleh bergerak ni in sitting position and poked that gigantic sryinge through my spine.....sejukkk je rasa sampai ke kaki. The Mid Wife nama Kenchana kau, baik ya amat terasa macam mak menakan sendiri. By that time the ubat went inside my veins the pain I was having constantly then was taken away and replace by a total discomfort on my belly.

The doc started it by 10.20pm, again I went "Wait""" He tepelanjat and held his incissor. ''Doc still can feel my leg. The ubat not yet jalan la"

He frowned " Try and move ur feet, can or not" "Heh heh cannot la.

"There, u ok already"...

So he started. I was shivering, not sure whether it was due to the air con or due to my fright. Kanda was holding my hands tight and repeatedly chanting Subhanallah. I felt the incission but minus the pain. It was just a sensation.

In just a jiffy, he pulled out the 'burden' that I carried with me for the whole 9 months. Good Lord macam alien lah. And she was handsomely well...... big for a girl.She cried the very moment she was brought to this world, wah kuatnya suara. Kanda was speechless and startled, me too. We peeped on her as the nurses cleaned and check her out. She screamed her heart out, probably feeling insecure as she was no more in the comfort of my belly.

When Kenchana brought her to us, I could feel my tears streaming down my cheek and as I wiped away tear drop from my arm, I realized they weren't mine alone, they were Kanda's as well. He kissed my forehead and thanked me for bringing the wonderful creature to this world. And there she was, the most beautiful baby girl i have ever seen, her eyes were so small and cheek o so chubby. And she was red all over, like a mongolian baby.I felt in love instantly with this little thing. The pain, the suffering, gone down the drain the moment I laid my eyes on her.

Dr Tan was saying, look at her, she is so big, 3.8kg how do you think she would come out normally"....

I held her tiny fingers, Kanda kissed her forehead. Our life has been perfected, Alhamdullillah. Thank You Allah.

To our beautiful little princess, one day I hope you will read this.

You, your sister and your brother are the best things that ever happened in our life. You were my biggest achievement.

You are 5 today. Gone was your small mongolian eyes but they are now big and beautiful with heavenly thick eye lashes to compliment them.....such a pretty little thing you are, so full of life and enthusiasm. Full of courage that I admired. Grow up darling, but not too fast as I still want to enjoy my sweet little princess.

When you smile, the heaven smiles with you.

Darling, although you would always accused mommy and daddy of loving u less

Although you had my car all creatively carved with your name all over it,

Although you had a bottle of peanut butter painted all over my bed room wall

Although you beautifully exhibit your art work on the wall

Mommy and Daddy will always love you from the day you were born until the day we die.

We love you as much ....Happy Birthday sayang, May Allah bless you always and May all your dreams come true.