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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Departure

A close friend to my Dad passed away this morning, in his sleep, in the hospital bed. It saddened me deeply.Surely it will affect Dad as well because Dad told me sometimes ago that he was struggling to tell Dad something, but he could not. He could'nt speak anymore for quite sometimes. He tried to write his words down but his hand kept failing him. After several attempts, he gave up and look away, tears ran down his haggard cheek. And Dad look down, sharing his grief.I guess Dad will regret it for a long time, he kept telling us that he must had something in his mind that he wanted to share.

After a year of a real suffering, he passed on. After series of troll and saga he was called to his Creator.Well, at least it was the end for him.

I dont mean in anyways to talk bad things about Arwah, but I wish to share with my reader the facts of life , thru Arwah's storyline.
Years ago, Uncle L was a perfect father figure and an iconic husband. His family amazed everybody who knew him. He was a father of 9 (if I'm not mistaken). His wife adored him, a perfect loving couple in the eyes of the beholder. He was an established businessman, drove a Merc, live in a big bungalow, his better half is teacher, sweet, motherly and a nice lady.His children are a sweet docile lots.Always a better comparison to us, a bunch of four , but neighbours had always thought my parents had more than that judging by the noise we made. He seemed to be an envy to any man.
Until then...when he decided to take a second wife.
His decision surprised everybody including Aunty M who thought her dooms day had finally came. And his children was devastated. My self was no exception. I wanted to know his REASON for doing so as I dont see any.
He told Mom that there was nothing wrong with Aunty M, but it was meant to be. He fell in love, and was mesmerized by the woman's kindness in helping him in his business. Well that is not a satisfactory reason to any woman, a rather jahanam one infact, but I am glad that he was honest and he didnt t spread bad things about Auty M or using her as an excuse.
Aunty M came to my Mom's and confide to her, she even asked me for a legal advice (Me??? errrr) and the only thing I could tell her was she got to decide what she wants for her, and not to use her grown up children as an excuse or escapism. If she couldnt take it, she should asked him to let her go, because if she is not strong to face the turmoil, it will sinned both of them. And if she believed and trust him, love him, than she need to ask from Allah to bestow her with strengh to go on. Because there was no other things that can be done, HE HAD MARRIED the woman. I had to offer her a realistic advise and at the same time being sympathetic to her. If I would follow the setan in my gutts, I would have asked her to bring a parang and give both of them a silambam in the groin or print the biggest billboard ever at the North-South Highway saying "LAKI KU MIANG' with a gigantic picture of him. I did not, (well, after my Mom gave me a pinch on my thigh of course ewwww).
Their children went to Mom's for comfort and shoulder to cry on too. (No, my mom did not operate an agony clinic in her home, but yess she offer that kind of service FOC 24/7). I was there that time, in fact I was there when the whole episode took place since I was overhauling my allignment at her home (dalam pantang la labuu, in confinement). Gracious God I was not meroyan for having to console them. Not that I am complaining, but I share their sorrow deeply.I feel them honestly.
Another heart breaking news, the other woman is a sister to my dear juniour in Uni and she was my seniour as well. She was a divorcee with kids of her own. She had a fair share of sad story in life as well caused by a hang suah husband.
Was I am in dilemma or not ....
In short, Aunty M did the biggest turn in her life, she asked for divorce but her husband refused. She took a big step ahead and applied for a transfer down south. Her children followed her.
Uncle L was not himself since then. He gained a new family but lost his wonderful past. He could not erased them from his being, he missed them, long for them the entire time.
But his children had heart of stone , and their mother? Lagilah.
They just invited him to be a wali twice.
Sad.
That just prove it takes a man who is man enough to practice polygamy, its not easy as it seemed. Uncle L was an Imam in our neighbourhood Mussola and Aunty M is a religious soul, but they were not tough enough to trail the path. It was not enough for Uncle L. He might thought that he had the means (as every man perasan they have) but in reality he might had just that but not the aura and will to do so. And perhaps it was just his ego and his attempt to test market.
Until he felt sick.
Until he took off this morning.
Life is not as beautiful as in Cerekarama or Vanavil where first wife and second wife repented and become best friend upon knowing their husband is dying.

In real life, they make a cerekarama of their own in the hospital room.

It was hideous.
I couldnt help myself thinking that had he not done what he had done , would his life be different? Would his death be of a different scenario?
Would he be missed more? Did he regret? Why was he not content with what he had? What more did he wanted? Was'nt it enough?
I think death is anticipated by him, to end his sorrow.And I do think his death ends a lot of things and not just misery alone, I hope it ends hatred and sarcasm as well.
And despite the many souls that he supposed to father and mate, despite the many being he try to unite in a marriage bond, he die alone.
Allah Maha Bijaksana........Pasti ada rahmat di sebalik setiap kematian dan kedukaan.

Al-Fatihah. Rest in peace Uncle L.


* Hazrey, dont do this at home o, sengsara idup ko nanti.Menggatal je kat luar jgn bawak balik pompuan skirt merah kat umah ok, kudunng plak tangan ko karang.

26 comments:

undomesticwifey said...

you kata nak jemput I...
i merajuk la ni tauu.. huhuhuhu...

*lari masuk bilik*

hanyway, i takde mangkuk tingkat!!! hmmmphh!!

edelweiss said...

Innalillah ...

Cik Rose...aku simpati lah pulak kat dia...sbbnya dia tinggalkan dunia nih dalam kesedihan dan pastinya ada kekesalan...

semoga roh arwah ditempatkan di kalangan mereka yang beriman.

semoga terbuka hati Aunty M untuk memaafkan arwah..

Desert Rose said...

Nok,

APalak tak jemput , datang la antar makan dulu, i bg plan kat u. Ar ari Sabtu ni tg kat Giant Ipoh tu kul 11 pagi , ko lambat aku tinggal. Bwk Adam la yg penting , ko tu tak penting sangat la ok.

p/s : seriyesly kan nok, aku nak cakap masjid ni, kalau ko nak dating ngan aku , aku akan berada di Ipoh Jumaat Malam Sabtu, sekian timasehhh

Lyana Mauseth said...

innalilah...patutlah mak aku tepon pepagi td kata makteh kalut nak pi tgk mayat...dia suh aku pi tgk pakteh la, kaki dia tu..hmmm ni dok tunggu redup skit, satlg aku pi sat....

Desert Rose said...

Edelweiss,

Tulah, kita dgr azab, dia yg menanggung, susah mau cakap sey.

Hazrey said...

I was truly touched by the words in this story of yours.. until.. I saw my name at the bottom of it. Apa kena mengena dengan aku? Ramai lagi manusia kat dunia ni you can put there.

Well a bomoh once told me, I will never marry another soul. You are safe wifey darling.

But well, life is so unpredictable. We must accept what is upon us. Kalau kita sabar, dan kita minta pada Allah SWT memberikan kita kesabaran, Allah SWT akan berikan ujian. Baru kita tahu kita dapat kesabaran itu. Dan pahalalah kepada orang orang yang bersabar itu. Insya'allah.

Kalau tiada ujian dan dugaan, tentunya tiada hikmah disebalik apa yang kita lakukan.

Trust me, tentunya Auntie M akn sedikit kesal dengan hijrahnya itu. Walau apa pun, we cant go back to that time. The only thing is Al-Fatihah dan mudahan Allah SWT tempatkan allahyarham bersama orang orang yang beriman. Insya'allah.

Dan aku, aku akan tetap jumpa Salih Yakob.

undomesticwifey said...

Sabtu I ada catering hokays noks!! Yer laaa. I soh Adam sorang je pegi...sape la I ni...

*moncong*

kak ja said...

hmmmmm...

Ada yg terpempan yg x dpt kja nak ungkapkan..

Apapun, al fatihah buat aruah..

mamasita said...

What a sad atory tapi dah takdir.
I rasa Aunty M terlalu kecewa.I would too. Tapi we women tend to be so so hurt hurt sampai tiada maaf bagi mu thing.
But if my husband nak kawin lagi, I dah plan nak tolong sama.Biarlah, Afterall there must be a reason why God kata they can marry sampai 4.
But..I want to be freeee..jangan bila dah sakit tua I kena jaga pulak! Mana acii???? hahaha

Al- Fatihah to Uncle L. Memang sedih dengar cerita dia.

Kak Ezza@makcik Blogger said...

cik rose...

akak sedih bila baca ayat you ni...
itu lah..tak semua bende yang kita nak selalu nya dapat...allah maha adil...dapat satu bende..hilang satu bende..itu sebab kena pakai akal waras sebelum membuat keputusan...apa lagi soal kebahagian ni..

Al fatehah buat Arwah.

Hazrey said...

Excuse me, can I have mamasita number? Nak bagi pada my wife. Aman dunia ni kalau ada 10 lagi macam mamasita. Kaulah pelita hidupku. Hamburger on me!

wanshana said...

Innalillah...

Al-Fatihah to Arwah. Semoga rohnya ditempatkan bersama mereka yang berimaan.

Sedih baca kisah Arwah and Aunty M, but, I can understand why she moved away... I think I would, too - bawak hati yang dah tak boleh dipujuk lagi...

I hope Arwah somehow had found whatever little peace that he needed before he closed his eyes forever, and I hope Aunty M had found it in her to forgive him...

kay_leeda said...

Cik Rose,

Innalillah...

Kesian kan bila meninggal like this. Mcam ader bende yg tak kesampaian. But only Arwah knew semua nya di sebalik his earlier actions. Let's hope aunty M will finally come to terms with apa yang sudah tertulis for her.

Wehhh...agak-agak sinage kat highway yg nak tulih "Laki ku Gatai/Miang" tu besaq mana eh?? Rasa nya boleh cari ramai yang nak sponsor tu :D

Naz said...

Maaf, saya tidak menyokong menyoking mana mana lelaki yang ingin membuka cawangan baru. Minta mahap! You married the one, stay true to her, stay true to your kids. Habis cheta :D

Desert Rose said...

*Lyana,

Tulah kesian abah aku , gout la plaknye, gigih ni aku mengoogle mencari petua.

*Hazrey,

Pasal aku letak nama ko, 1.apasal ko boleh letak nama aku, aku tak bley letak nama ko??? Cipan la.
2. Sebab ko mg ada potensi. Aku nak ingatkan ko je, biarlah Salleh Yaakob je jadi legenda kat Malaysia ni, kalau kau buat mgkn ko tak jadi legenda, aku takut ko jadi Arwah hokays nanti sapa nak gaduh ngan aku


*Kak Ja,

I mcm dapat hidu plak apa maksud Kak Ja tu, (setelah idung I clear lps buang resdung ari tu, idung I menjadi sensitif dan terus bertukar menjadi radar sixth sense)


*Datin Mamasita,

Betul tu Datin, Tapi yg tak bestnye bila sakit nak mam*** tetaplah akan mencari bini tua jugak..

Jgn u berkawan ngan En hazrey tu datin, tu paparazi tu.



*Kak Ezza,

Yalah Allah maha adil (baca : dah ko nak sangat hadap lah kan) Tapi seriously I mg kesian sgt kat dia. I tak abiss tanya dalam hati apa lagi yg tak cukup

*Kak Shana,

Manusia (terutama lelaki) selalu tak penah puas dan bersyukur dgn apa yg ada padahal tu nikmat di dpn mata dah.

*Kak Kay,

U bet, sebesaq alam, main sponsor : Feminist movement la tak pun SisterS in Islam ha ha ha

*Kak Naz,

Yess bebeh, I agree with U 500% ...no 2 ways about it la kan. What's wronmg in being faithfull? Ada masalah inferiority complex kah di situ.?

Mimi said...

Al-Fatihah utk Uncle L..

Kesian kt wife #1..

tireless mom said...

Oh Cik Rose

I macam Naz, I dun support polygamy. Orang lain nak payung emas kat pintu syurga biak pi dia but not me. But I percaya lah kat your Hazrey tu. Bukanlah I percaya kat bomoh but dia bebeno kata you adalah satu-satu untuk dia. Susah nak dapat husband yg declare to the whole world. Cik Adik, jangan lepa cik abang macam tu. Menyesal nanti.

AlFatehah untuk Uncle L.

Uncle Lee said...

Hi Desert Rose, I guess this happens very often even here too.
As for me, no way. Will never trade in nor get another one....
Anyway, I had my times old days, so today enjoy just one woman. Ha ha. Lee.

anija said...

when i read your post, i suddenly remembered movie "berbagi suami".. the best part yg aku ingat movie ni bila the stoke man dalam keadaan mulut yg herot dan tak leh jalan adviced his son of the first not to marry more than one like he did.. :p :p
so, to men outside there, i really think you guys should take that man advice.. hehehe..

Desert Rose said...

Mimi,

Ya, he needs dua' frm his wives and children.

Kat Yatt,

LOL,....En Hazrey is not my kanda ha ha ha. If he is, he would be an amutated blogge by now

Lee,

U r one man with a kind of exeriences that 'inspired' other men ha ha

Anija,

Aku punya teringin nak tgk that movie, tak daat lagi.God to watch with husband kan

Hazrey said...

Ehem, sampai hati taknak mengaku ya adinda.

Hahahah. ok serious.

ADALAH SAYA DENGAN INI MEMAKLUMKAN BAHAWA SAYA BUKANLAH SUAMI KEPADA DESERT ROSE SEBAB KALAULAH BETUL, KAMI PASTINYA AKAN SENTIASA DI MAHKAMAH UNTUK PROSIDING SAMAN MALU.

Tapi takperlah, kesian desert rose. Hahahaha... Nasib baik orang ingat lelaki ensem cam aku ni laki kau, kalau idak, jatuh saham beb.

But honestly, aku suka comment tireless mom tu:

"But I percaya lah kat your Hazrey tu."

Thank you mum. Dinner on me.

Desert Rose said...

Hazrey,

Mongok ar ko ni...

Hazrey said...

Dosa dinda kata begitu pada kanda. Neraka akhirnya nanti.

Kan kanda sudah palu kan pada rakyat jelata akan kasih kanda pada dinda.

Mongok itu sebuah negara kah dinda? Ada rempah kah dinda di negara itu?

rerama salju said...

Salam,
Terharu saya baca cerita ni...moga beri pengajaran pada kita semua...

Anonymous said...

memula macam tak nak komen.. tapi komen jugak lah. sebab nampak banyak setazah dan setat dalam nih kan, takot pulak. ye la kita nih tak pandai bab bab agama.

1. angkel tuh mesti tak genius. sebab tuh dah tua pun dia kawen. kata 'orang itu' , orang genius mudah diserang ED. kalau angkel nih genius mesti dia diserang ED dan tak akan kawen lain. silap2 angkel ini diceraikan oleh acik M. tapi kalau acik M ceraikan angkel L, ouh itu tidak salah! wanita owes right?? yessssss wanita owes right.

2. kawen ramai ramai a/k/a poligami ada dalam quran. if you dont like it keep it to yourself, but i suggest why bother against god's word?? yang kita kena against adalah jantan2 yang tidak ED ini yang selalu abuse any opportunity they have, bukan salahkan poligami. sila fahamkan falsafah poligami sebelum cakap 'i am so against poligami'. jgn cakap macam orang tader agama.

3. i tak rasa angkel L salah dan i tak rasa dia patut menyesal. ekceli salah acik M! macam my mak, masa my arwah ayah pencen, dia dapat duit ratus ribu. PEREMPUAN muda, i repeat PEREMPUAN MIANG yang muda, wahhh kenyit2 mata dengan arwah ayah i. mak i cakap 'awak nak yang mana? saya boleh pinangkan'. terus my dad tader pun susah2 nak kawen lain. moral of der story ladies, kalau laki laki korang yang tidak ED ini nak kawen lain, suruh2 kan aja. bila dah disuruh kompem derang tak nak. sebab dah tak thrill. tapi kalau derang kawen jugak, sila la pass kan tanggungjawab menjaga laki itu kepada bini baru. dan kalau laki mu bergaduh dengan madu mu tetiba laki mu mengadu jawab aja ' eh awak cakap ngn saya ker??'. kompem lelaki itu dan lelaki ini akan jeran. tapi lelaki ED tak masuk campur yer.

4. since kata 'orang itu', lelaki genius adalah senang diserang ED dan makin ramai yang menghidap ED, isnt it fair, kasi perempuan2 yang terlebih ramai di malaysia nih kawen dengan laki orang? nih la masalahnya perempuan, tamak macam laki tuh boleh bawak ke lubang kubur. apa la korang nih. cuba la sharing2 sikit. sementelah makin ramai lelaki genius kena ED, maka sharing is caring kan?? bukan ker wanita nih sifatnya lembut (bla bla bla all good traits credit to wanita).ala korang kongsi pun sesama wanita la.
5. he was perfect, idolised by many NOT until he married to another woman..pathetic kan orang yang ada mentality macam nih?? we judged him, and we punished him, we are god arent we?? ~saya tak lari tapi saya pasti bertaubat kalau saya buat kenyataan spt orang tak der agama nih.
6. orang perempuan kena ingat yer, laki yang korang ada, bukan dirampas sesapa pun (except ada sorang pembesar parti perikatan yang suka sesama jenis). dirampas kaum sendrik jugak kan. jadik yang dijaga bukan sahaja laki korang tapi dengan perempuan lain jugak. kalau tidak mahu bermadu (elehhhh drama la pulak aku kan), sila la jaga laki anda macam menate, eh silap, menatang minyak yang penuh. sila la buang extra2 baggage dan seterika kedut2 kat muka tuh. bukan marahkan lelaki bila dia carik lain.
7. sila ubah mentaliti tahun zaman jurasik park, asal laki kawen lain jer, lelaki adalah jahanam. ehemmm, lupa kut kes ada penyanyi terkenal, siti nuhalisut (bukan nama sebenar) rampas laki orang yang nama datok kay??
8. ustazah ustazah dan ustaz ustaz, boleh disagree dengan apa yang saya tulis. itu hak masing2. poligami itu ada dalam al-quran, bagi jantan2 yang tidak ED jgn ambil kesempatan. bagi perempuan2 yang gagal layan somi (mmg la sominya cakap tak der apa yang kurang sebab semua dah terlebih, size pun XXL, kedut kat muka pun dah kena kira pakai calculator), the best way is, sharing is caring.
9. dunia boleh aman sebenarnya, dan tidak perlu hatred sacarsm whatnots sekiranya masing2 tahu tujuan masing2 dihidupkan.
10. cik akak rose, boleh tak bagikan saya statistic yang menyatakan penularan penyakit ED di kalangan orang genius? setahu saya orang lelaki genius mmg menggunakan otak di kepala atas dan tak guna kepala bawahnya untuk berpikir. nasib baik saya tak geniuskan. boleh jadik macam angkel L.

En Azrin

Desert Rose said...

puan-puan,

Maafkn la En Azrin ni ye, dia sedang mengalami stress terlampau dan delirium yg super duper. Nanti saya piyat telinga dia 5 blas kali....he he ..

* Azrin, tapi ko ckp mcm takde agama tu, baik ko mintak ampun ngan aku cepat, kensel sponsor hanimun karang baru tau. Takpun aku sumpah anak ko nanti muka aku sebijik baru tau.

Kalau dah bleh bagi pendapatan bulanan pada setiap isteri mengikut market value dan bilangan anak, elaun utk anak2 ikut keperluan market price, bungalow sorang sebijik, keta at least pun Honda Stream sorang sebijik, tanpa menggunakan pendapatan isteri walau satu sen pun....kawinlah sapa larang.Sebab isteri diharuskan bekerja MEMBANTU suami, so kalau dan mampu bini 2-3-4, tak perlu la pakai pendapatan isteri.
Sebab tu Allah BERFIRMAN KAHWINLAH SATU , DUA , TIGA ATAU EMPAT, AKAN TETAPI SEKIRANYA KAMU TAKUT TIDAK BERLAKU ADIL, MEMADAI DENGAN SATU, DAN ITULAH YANG TERBAIK BAGI KAMU.....


Ikut sunnahtullah dan yg iizinkan dalam ugama ada tatacaranya.

1. Terlebih mampu
2. Nafsu mcm gajah liar yg tak mampu dipuaskan oleh satu lubang sahaj
3. Isteri mandul...yg compom
4. Belum dapat anak lelaki utk sambung zuriat
5. Isteri sakit tak boleh bergelumang di katil lagi

dan beberapa syarat lagi...Itu semua adalah ijmak ulama' yg digunaka pakai oleh Mahkamah Shariah dalam memproses permohonan poligami.

Satu yg kena ingat, words in the Quran adalah general rule, so kita kena rujuk secondary source untuk penerangan yg lebih jitu dan terperinci serta syarat2.

Kalau solat tak boleh jaga, anak2 pun mengaji sub kat orang lain, bapak pun tak pernah solat berjemaah ngan anak isteri, puasa pun yang yok pendapatan pun lekat celah gigi....layakkah berpoligami???????

Rasullullah berpoligami utk meperkembangkn syariat Islam cthnya berkahwin dgn Mariah Qibtiyah utk berdakwah di kalangan bangsa Qibti. Dan isteri2 baginda kecuali Sayidatina Aisya, adalah janda dan ramai anak..... bukan GRO, atau budak clerk baru kat opis kita yg bergetah dan mengancam.

Poligami datang bersama anggungjawab yang maha besar....sekiranya lelaki tak mampu bertanggungjawb pd diri sendiri dan pada DIA yg menciptakan, boleh kah adil pada pada beberap org wanita lagi

Ingatlah,KATA2 Allah, MEMADAI DGN SATU, DAN ITULAH YANG TERBAIK BAGI KAMU...